This past Monday I was called a “Gross Ass Bitch” and told to “Get the Fuck Away From Here!” when I went to pick up an old best friend (A). For some context i’ll write about how I experienced this situation below as an archive of my feelings, glitz and woes about this experience and why in order for me to continue to grow I need to step away from the people that were once in my life. I’m hurt, and i’m not going to apologize for the way that I feel and processed this in the eyes against these men.
I received a call when I was with another friend (Friend B) that “why hadn’t I shown up?” or “why was I sending someone to voicemail” when my call log shows no recollection of these attempts. If you really tried calling me 2-3 times, show me the receipts. Because I didn’t answer this supposed call I was told that they weren’t going to go anymore and decided he would drive himself. Needless to say, I asked my other friend (B) if she thought we should stop by (just to check on this person) before we all ended up at another friends house (Friend C).
I show up with (B) to (A)’s apartment and immediately know that something seemed a bit off. I called A on their cell phone and was sent directly to voicemail. I had friend B call A and B’s call was ignored (meaning it rang 5 times and went to vm). I ask C what we should do since A isn’t responding and C says to just pick him up and then we’ll figure it out. B decides to go wait in the car (fair enough) so I decide why not try calling one more time now that its basically only me outside of A’s apartment.
I called A and immediately the phone is answered, it’s like he was waiting for it to just be us so that he can pounce. I’m on the phone with him asking if he’s going to come and he just says “no! I’m not going to come! You don’t care about me!” Keep in mind that A doesn’t really talk to me anymore, I text that bitch to have a good day all the time but i’m still treated with disrespect. So I realize that A is literally on the other side of the curtain so I hang up and say, “I’m not here for your bad attitude A, I’m here to hang out and have a good day with friends. If you wanna come lemme know.” As i’m stating this the only words being screamed to me are “You’re such a gross ass bitch Camila. Stop being such a bitch. Get the fuck out of here!”
I hear these words and immediately am shocked, this bitch can literally hide behind a screen and throw their words but in person they’re one of the most docile beings out there. So I left. I told B what A had said, B said that it was a disgusting moment to live through and they would’ve done the same. I show up to C’s house and the first fucking question i’m asked is, “What did you do?” Apparently A had already called C crying and then i’m asked what did I do? What did I do? Really? Thats one of the last straws and was my most apparent thought. It was like this man was saying his brother is hurt and I caused it. I was in the wrong because A had already spoken to C crying about them not coming and being left behind.
Would you have done the same? Would you have waited for this asshole who made you feel like a piece of shit to get out of their apartment so that they can still get in YOUR car so you can take them to something their going to be complaining the whole day at? I didn’t think so. I didn’t think that you would let somebody call you a gross ass bitch and you still talk to them the same? I didn’t think that for one second you would actually put yourself in my shoes and hear my story out. I wasted my time and energy on you for YOUR OWN BENEFIT! Really!? Being your friend brought about a lot of positivity, it also brought about a lot of negativity as your partner and you couldn’t get over that.
You don’t think I know that you don’t see me? You don’t think I know that you no longer believe the name Ernie even if it were to dick slap you in the face?
I know you don’t see me. I won’t ever send you bad vibes, because even when you’re struggling with your mental health I will always be there for you. In reality, I need to be there for myself because you won’t be there for me like you promised. I won’t be this “friend for a long time” because you broke this.
I’ve asked you to be honest to me and I’ve always gotten the worst responses. You didn’t love me for over a year basically but didn’t want to let me go? You knew you were not in love with Camila yet were here for me when I was in the hardest time of my life? You left me Manny. You went to Mexico to figure yourself out and in the process you left me. You are guilty of our friendship because just like I’m not over you I can feel that you’re not over me. YET YOU DO NOT CARE. I’m hurting a lot, I wish it didn’t hurt this much thinking over and over what it must be to hang out with you again. I wish I didn’t hurt time and time again over me replaying what occurred this week and thinking i’m the one at fault.
You always did know how to make me feel crazy…